Turn the Page

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I am always giving into daydreams of the future. What might happen. What steps I can take to turn things around. Or, conversely, steps I can take to keep things the same.

I do believe in letting life play out as it may.

But I also believe in trying to prevent accidents from happening. To prevent missteps, miscalculations, and mistakes. Of counting my steps and watching my step.

I have been forgetting little things lately. More than lately. For the last year or two. Nothing big — just things. I am constantly reminded that I am forgetting these things. Out of kindness, mind you — but I am being reminded I tend to forget.

I always wonder if this is the beginning. The beginning, maybe not of the end, but the beginning of turning the page. Of dealing with things differently than before.

I was never really an independent kind of girl, but I did work where I wanted and married who I wanted and started a business in another state. I had two children that I adore and have three grandkids that take my heart away. My world was my choice. Influenced by outside factors, people, and situations, yes. But still my choice.

I am starting to wonder, though– will this all change as times goes by?

Will this all change as I turn the page?

Words like dementia, Alzheimer’s, senility, all haunt my dreams. We do what we can to remember, but time takes away parts of our being every day. Tiny parts. Miniscule parts that you cannot even measure.  Suddenly all the miniscule parts start to add up. You forget directions, you forget to turn the gas all the way off. You forget the date and you forget birthdates. You fall a little more than you used to, get dizzy sometimes or bang your leg on more things than ever.  Every symptom becomes cancer or Covid or the beginning of some other drastic disease, because, at this point, it just could be that.

Maybe it’s just that I’m forgetting things.

It happens to us all. I refuse to be frightened by it. Or distracted by it. Or controlled by it.

But I do acknowledge it.

After reading and blogging about the American artist William Utermohlen who died from Alzheimer’s , I could see a talent far greater than mine waste away with time and disease. 

I wondered if that would someday be me.

I wonder if that someday will be all of us.

I’ve also heard positive things about turning the page ….

Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there’s more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter [of hurt] and never re-read it … let your future create something better. ~Trent Shelton

I think I can do that. Move forward despite all the flags that are popping up in my way. I figure, I’ve got to go that direction anyway … why not jump on the pony and she where she goes? 

 

 

23 thoughts on “Turn the Page

  1. What with a grandmother that is a writer it is very possible he will become a writer too.

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  2. Life is changing and it is changing really fast, too fast for the older generations but when you have kids and grandkids they can tell you how it works 😀 My 9 year old grandson knows more about computers than I ever will. By the way he is writing a book !!! How cool is that for a 9 year old. And he gets acting lessons for 2 years now as he wants to be an actor, he is very serious about it.

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  3. I think that’s just the guilt of progress. I was just talking to my daughter in law, and she said that a lot of middle schools are going to technology learning, i.e. computers teaching, not teachers. You can?imagine my old lady reaction. I want my grandkids to have a direct relationship with a real live person. But that’s where today’s world is taking us. The past always “looks” more desirable but are more backwards, too.

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  4. I envy people who lived before us as they had no pc, no tv, no cellphone, at best a radio. But then again, they had their worries just like us, only different.

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  5. Getting older is not always fun is it ? Life is changing too fast and our heads are just full !

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  6. I do this too .. catastrophic thinking. It can send me into a panic attack. Great post! Yes, best to move on and not waste our time on what might or might never not come to pass.

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  7. You are right. But I’m having trouble remembering when under pressure. Things I’m supposed to remember I don’t. Not everything, of course, but those around me get tired of telling me the same thing all the time. You know what I mean.

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  8. My advice, for what it’s worth: No “friendly” reminder of your perceived inadequacies is genuinely friendly. Stop paying attention — the unspoken and unrecognized pressure just scatters you further. My father was the son of a prominent NACA scientist. We had a joke in our family about how they had to check their name tags before they could answer the phone. It used to be called “absent mindedness,” and some of our most intelligent are prone to it.

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  9. I know. Try doing a brain dump in the morning and/or evening. If you get it all out, you have more free space in your head. There’s no prize for remembering everything all the time

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  10. And we can’t remember the things we SHOULD remember. But I dunno … I never had a great memory to begin with, but now those around me figured I was a genius and am now not paying attention.

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  11. Dear Claudia, please don’t worry, we all forget things at our age and when I talk to people our age I notice they all say the same, it’s nothing to worry about. It is just normal, if we were computers we could get a new hard disk but we can’t, our head is just full of stuff, unfortunately we can’t delete the stuff we don’t need anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We all have way too many things in our minds and after years of multi tasking, your brain says enough…while things can actually be wrong, sometimes it’s just overload

    Liked by 1 person

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