They said WHAT!?

thEveryone is quoted now and then. Often it’s something like, “My mom said…”, or “The guy on the news said…”, or even “Don’t you remember what so-and-so said?” Philosophers, politicians, and celebrities all make a point to say meaningful things that will affect future generations.

Some time ago I wrote a blog, I Can’t Believe I Believed That https://humoringthegoddess.com/2011/08/11/i-cant-believe-i-believed-that/ which dispelled myths on what famous people Never said. For example, Captain Kirk never said “Beam me up Scotty.” (Go check it out!) I was going to add to the “misquote” pile this blog, until I stumbled upon something MORE entertaining – things famous people DID say. Oh, this sooooo much better…(and they all really did say these things!)

You’ve got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.      Yogi Berra, former American Major League Baseball player/manager

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they’re bigger than everybody else, and that’s what makes them the biggest guys on the field.   John Madden, former Coach and TV announcer

If Lincoln were alive today, he’s roll over in his grave.  Former President Gerald Ford

(Q: If you could live forever, would you and why?)  I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we can’t live forever, which is why I would not live forever.   Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.  Charles De Gaulle

Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.  Former President George W. Bush

I like most of the places I’ve been to but I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don’t like eating fish, and I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.  Brittany Spears

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.   Brooke Shields

(ordering a salad) Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.   Mike Smith, baseball player

So where’s the Canne Film Festival this year?   Christina Aguilera

Half the game is 90% mental.  Danny Ozark, baseball manager

What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. Former Vice President Dan Quayle

The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paint brush.   Sylvester Stallone

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.   Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

(On the death of the King of Jordan)  I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.  Mariah Carey

The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.   Joe Theisman, former NFL Quarterback and TV Announcer

You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.   Yogi Berra, former American Major League Baseball player/manager

Sure, there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious.  Alan Minter, boxer

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive.” But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.  Senator  Barbara Boxer

I think the film ‘Clueless’ was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.   Alicia Silverstone

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken by the Sea.’   Jessica Simpson

And, perhaps the most impressive of all…

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor, starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d like to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.  Mariah Carey

Frivolous Facts and Faldaral Part II

In Star Wars, The Millennium Falcon was originally modeled after a hamburger with an olive next to it. Because the name of the ship had not been finalized at this time, storyboards refer to as the pirate ship. Some boards indicate for the first version of the pirate ship (which became the Blockade Runner) to be changed into the ‘Hamburger Boogie’ version.  Hans Solo rides off into the galaxy sunset aboard the quarter pounder.

In the movie Carrie, the slow motion scene at the end of the movie was filmed in reverse to simulate ghostlike movement effects. If watched vigilantly, cars can be seen driving backwards in the upper left hand corner of the screen. When I was younger, playing “Strawberry Fields Forever” by the Beatles backwards revealed Paul was dead, too. Alas, I could never get the turntable to turn backwards fast enough to prove anything.

For the movie the Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland was paid $35 a week while Toto received $125 a week. That renubds me of one of my earlier blogs, Diamonds Are A Dog’s Best Friend.

To achieve the sound of thousands of snakes slithering in the movie Indiana Jones and the Raider’s Ark, sound designer Ben Burtt stuck his fingers into a cheese casserole. This was augmented by applying wet sponges to the rubber on a skateboard. Eww. Clever — but eww.

Basil (the herb) was once believed to have the power to breed scorpions. According to one recipe, “three crushed leaves are put under a clay pot. After a few days a tiny scorpion will be born”.  With the help of basil one could also summon scorpions. Pliny, a Roman writer, claimed that a handful of basil pounded with 10 sea crabs would do the trick. What the real connection between basil and scorpions was we will never know. Nor do we want to.

Average number of eggs laid by the female American Oysterer year: 500 million. Usually only one oyster out of the bunch reaches maturity. Those numbers make me itch.

Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour – about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin. I wonder why that never equates as pounds lost on a diet.

Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s movie, Psycho, which actually took 7 days to shoot. The article never said how much chocolate syrup was used. A lot of sundaes went topless that week.

 Jethro Tull is not the name of the rock singer responsible for such songs as “Aqualung” and “Thick as a Brick.” Jethro Tull is the name of the band. The singer is Ian Anderson. The original Jethro Tull was an English horticulturalist who invented the seed drill. Reminds me of the movie Armageddon. Oscar: I tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band. Psychologist: Who is Jethro Tull?

 During World War II, bakers in the United States were ordered to stop selling sliced bread for the duration of the war on January 18, 1943. Only whole loaves were made available to the public. It was never explained how this action helped the war effort.

 The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off. I wonder if they wore underwear that peeked out of their pants, too. No one would ever know.

When the Mother Ship passes over Devil’s Tower near the end of Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, R2-D2 can be seen hanging from the bottom of the ship.

The carpet designs seen in Sid’s hallway in Toy Story are the same carpet designs seen in The Shining. That’s the creepy side of recycling.

Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. Yum. Or is is it Yuk?

The strawberry flavor in your ice cream contains 50 different chemicals. Nature cannot be imitated, and this is the best example. Just to recreate the flavor of “strawberry”, some fast food companies add 50 different chemicals including benzyl isobutyrate, phenythyl alcohol, amyl acetate, mint and cognac. So, the next time you consume strawberry flavored ice creams, milkshakes or desserts, do remember the recipe. Now that’s not Yum OR Yuk. That’s Ick. Vanilla, please.

A quarter of raw potato placed in each shoe at night will keep the leather soft and the shoes smelling fresh and clean. They forgot to add that if you don’t take the potato out it turns into potato toe jam.
In 1939, the Hollywood Production Code dictated what could and could not be shown or said on screen, and Rhett Butler’s memorable last line in the famous Gone With the Wind, presented a serious problem. A few of the suggested alternatives were “Frankly my dear… I just don’t care,” “… it makes my gorge rise,” “… my indifference is boundless,”  “… I don’t give a hoot,” and “… nothing could interest me less.” Although legend persists that the Hays Office fined Selznick $5,000 for using the word “damn”, in fact the Motion Picture Association board passed an amendment to the Production Code on November 1, 1939, to insure that Selznick would be in compliance with the code. Henceforth, the words “hell” and “damn” would be banned except when their use “shall be essential and required for portrayal, in proper historical context, of any scene or dialogue based upon historical fact or folklore … or a quotation from a literary work, provided that no such use shall be permitted which is intrinsically objectionable or offends good taste.” With that
amendment, the Production Code Administration had no further objection to Rhett’s closing line, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”  Which is a damn good thing.

And, finally…..for those of you with time on your hands….

 If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

Qumsical Quotations

Need a quotation or two to throw out to friends and adversaries? Want to seem cerebral, etherial, and just plain smart?  Here are a few bones to throw to your closest friends and snottiest enemies:

 

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.  Cathy Guisewrite, Cartoonist

Humor is just another defense against the universe.   Mel Brooks, comedian, producer, actor

The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70.    Helen Hayes, actress

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.   Socrates, philosopher  

A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.  Bill Cosby, actor, comedian

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.  Aristotle, philosopher

I will never be old. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.  Francis Bacon, statesman, philosopher

Let us read and let us dance — two amusements that will never do harm to the world. Voltaire, writer

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce. Lord Byron, writer

There is no art without intoxication. But I mean a mad intoxication!  Let reason teeter! Delirium! Plunged in burning dementia! Art is the most enrapturing orgy within man’s reach….Art must make you laught a little and make you a little afraid. Anything as long as it doesn’t bore.  Jean Dubuffet, artist

If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?  Robin Williams, Actor

Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.  Bob Hope, Actor

An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself.  Albert Camus, Playwright

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein, Scientist

And my favorite:

Nobody likes a clown at midnight.  Stephen King, writer