Feeling Like a Teenager

~ humoringthegoddess
Howie Green

Sometimes I feel that the older I get, the more childlike I get.

I don’t mean the innocent toddler version — more like the carefree high school teenager. The one who doesn’t quite do everything they’re supposed to do. The ones who’d rather play and talk to their friends than do anything coherent like Math or chores.

I have the same amount of responsibility I had when I was young — not so much as a teenager, but as a young adult. Rent, groceries, bills — responsibility out the gazoo.

I then got married and had children, settled down and played the part of mother and wife and employee. I think I did fairly well.

Now that I’m way past my 20s and 30s I feel like being irresponsible again.

Being irresponsible is different for everyone. For some it’s meat on Friday or splurging on Ferrero Rocher candies. Sometimes it’s watching B horror movies or blasting rock and roll on a Wednesday night.

Now that I’m 73 I’m trying to fit into the hole of “Who’s going to care anyway?”

As long as I don’t set the house on fire or accidentally dial 9-1-1, what does it matter if I have pancakes for dinner or eat fruit out of the can? Does it matter if I watch Hellraiser or Downton Abbey? Does it matter if I have an extra glass of wine or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before I go to bed?

All my life I’ve followed the rules. Got to work on time, didn’t do drugs, took my kids to church. Raised my boys. That turned into spending time with Grandkids.

Now that I’m in my last third of life on this plane I feel I deserve to go with my mental flow. Even if the mental flow is zigzaggy a lot of the time.

I enjoy reading about lucid dreaming and watching shows on ancient Romans and taking ashwagandha. I like having a glass of Baileys at 3:00 and not have to worry about driving home or taking care of my children. I love watching film-noir black and whites and jamming to Motley Crue. I love making culinary concoctions only I enjoy, and coloring mandalas that make me dizzy.

I suppose I’ve always been this wild and restless fae all my life — it’s only now that I can live that life without a lot of second guessing.

Is this a prelude to Alzheimer’s? Of senility? And is there anything wrong with that?

I hope that if living a crooked life paves my way to a positive dream world on my way out, I’ve lived a good life.

And had a good imagination.

How about you? What semi-wild things are you embracing these days?

 

 

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Published by humoringthegoddess

I am a writer of fantasy fiction that often surrounds middle-aged women. I am a married mother of two and granny to three, a BoHo Chic kinda gal. I am recently retired and busier than when I worked 9-5. But writing and blogging is my main game.

8 thoughts on “Feeling Like a Teenager”

  2. I’m glad you can do what you feel like doing now! Your so entitled to your wild streak lol! You’ve made it to your 70’s, without breaking too many rules, now’s the time to start breaking them!

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  3. I’m right there with you and often remind myself of the saying I have shared for years, “life is short and dead is for a very long time. Enjoy your life”. For me, it’s not sweating the small stuff and spending as much time as possible with the grandchildren.

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  4. We’ve got our almost 3 year old grandson for 3 rd day due to snow and extreme cold. As long as schools are closed, daycare is closed. I’ve embraced the say yes to Jiraiya. Cartoons within 5 minutes of drop off. He’s also unwound almost an entire roll of blue painters tape. Our walls and doorways look like a crime scene only blue inside of yellow. I’ve let go of the last bit of trying to be adult with his food or activities today. As long as it’s safe, he can do it or eat it.

    I’ve also started reading past my bedtime almost nightly. Unless I have an early commitment, I don’t set my alarm.

    When I ordered a water color “ relaxation “ kit for my daughter in law for her birthday, I got me one too. Yesterday I opened it up and used it. I’m a bit disappointed with the quality of the brush and will replace it at some point. But I painted one of the sketches and it was fun. Maybe next time will be more relaxing. Thoughts of what I should be doing crept in.

    Learning to be a teenager again sounds like fun. I may tag along on this adventure.

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