Christmas Again?

~ humoringthegoddess

This year I’m going to really try and get into the Christmas spirit.

My last few Christmases left a lot to be desired when it came to my holiday spirit moods. I guess I don’t get the same vibes as I used to when they start advertising Christmas sales in October.

I find setting up Christmas decorations to be a waste of time. No one comes to our house during the holidays — the Christmas Celebration Cup has long been passed to my son and daughter-in-law and grandkids. Christmas carols make my eyes roll, especially after I hear “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” for the 33rd time. 

I don’t bake for the holidays because it would be me eating all the cookies, and I already feel like a Teletubby. I don’t have the money to buy presents for everyone I’d like to, having resorted to giving money to teens who have no idea what they want, or flamingos as a joke to a close friend who used to collect them.

What has happened to me?

Why has Ebeneezer Scrooge come out so early this year?

I could blame it on losing my son not long after the holidays, or my dog who we are going to put to sleep today, or yet another friend diagnosed with cancer. Trying not to be paranoid about “I’m next” is almost a full time struggle. 

Understand — I do love the meaning of Christmas. Of giving, of sharing, of special moments with those you love. But I do that 365 days a year, so in that respect Christmas is no different than, say, October 24th.

I’m thinking a lot of it has to do with age. I purposely avoid movies that happily rip your heart out at the end, sad songs, and commercials for the ASPCA. I don’t want to bawl my eyes out over sentimentality I can’t control. For in these situations, bawling is not cathartic. It’s painful. It’s like that adage of keeping the door locked so the flood waters don’t come in and wash you away.

Good feelings can be overwhelming just like bad ones. Sometimes the happier I get the sadder I get. 

That has to do with getting older. Fewer Christmases ahead than behind, and all that.

So this year I’m going to try and step back into the Christmas spirit one shoe at a time. Try not to overdo it in any one direction. I still have grandkids to make me smile, along with good friends, good food (though not too much as in past years), and Christmas traditions that still hang true. I can always make cookies for friends and send out Christmas cards to all. I will avoid Christmas movies that have a well loved pet or human die or songs of lost love.

Common sense in this day and age where tragedy hovers all around.

Do any of you go through this ying yang of holiday cheer?

If so, I feel for you.

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Published by humoringthegoddess

I am a writer of fantasy fiction that often surrounds middle-aged women. I am a married mother of two and granny to three, a BoHo Chic kinda gal. I am recently retired and busier than when I worked 9-5. But writing and blogging is my main game.

18 thoughts on “Christmas Again?”

  1. Yes!! I understand all your mixed emotions and applaud your efforts to keep it positive. As our family grows and spouses and grandchildren become increasingly involved with their own lives, I sometimes feel “set aside”. In hopes of maintaining a special family day, we do Thanksmas. It’s a Saturday (the specific Saturday changes according to activity) after thanksgiving but before Christmas. So far it’s working…mostly. I’m not decorating as much these past few years. The addition of a 2.5 year old and cat have changed my style to “only unbreakable” items. This will be the first Christmas without my mom, so there’s some sadness there. I still will enjoy the season and embrace everything positive that comes my way.

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  2. Thank you for this touching share. I hear ya. The holidays began changing for me a few years ago which left me carrying the sadness you’ve described. I’ve moved into a season of acceptance, finding joy in other ways, like instead of spending hours shopping or decorating, I’m having meaningful conversations, and in the every day, yes! 🌄

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    1. That’s what I was trying to say. That I don’t need the magic of Christmas to feel for others, to listen to others, and to be a good grandma and wife and everything else. I do try and make a little difference every day. A minut difference, perhaps ….

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  4. Yes, so much is different now for many of us. I am learning to accept the losses and still appreciate the simple moments. I decorated this year and am remembering so many things. It’s a strange thing to wonder how many more times this holiday, or the next, there will be for me. But I am grateful for having had so many chances. 💕

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  6. Some years I have more holiday cheer than others. I like to keep things more simple and do things that really mean something to me. I also try to focus on being positive – and I know that’s not always easy. I enjoy being in nature – it’s quite soothing to me. I do hope you enjoy the season!

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  8. While the experiences are not what they used to be with family and friends… I take my joy in peace. I hand make anywhere from 150 – 300 cards (the majority of them being mailed out) and all but a few stragglers are on their way by the day after Thanksgiving. I give a few goodies to a couple dear friends, and my sibs. But no decorating, baking or concerning myself with a special meal. I find I crave the peace of NOT worrying about it all any longer. May you experience the “holiness” (however that resonates to you) of the rest of this season and may peace snuggle up to you and offer comfort. ❤

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