Don’t get me wrong.
I love being retired. I worked 50 long years to earn this measly social security check. I paid my dues, putting up with chitty bosses and second jobs and downtown Chicago just so I could sleep past 5:30 a.m. most mornings.
But these days I’m busier than I ever was — even when we had babies.
My dreams of retirement included quiet mornings, coffee on the deck, playing gently with my dog, crafting and reading and filling the dishwasher after every meal.
I’ve been retired for four years, and every year seems to get busier and crazier.
I need a vacation from my retirement.
We recently got a second Labrador who endlessly wrestles with the older one, knocking into tables and human legs with ferocity. We have soccer games and shooting tournaments and camping and baby showers and mowing the field we call a lawn and I’m way behind in making purse charms for the craft fair in August and paying bills and I just can’t keep up with it all.
Dare I say it’s starting to take a mental and physical toll on my airy fairy psyche?
Don’t misunderstand — I enjoy being busy. Too many times I’ve heard retirees complain about being bored or ignored or losing interest in doing things that bring them pleasure. I don’t want to fall into that shadow.
Yet I can’t keep up with the constant running around my current lifestyle dictates.
My husband is on his second year of retirement, which had led to him finally being able to do things he’s always wanted to do but had no time to do — volunteering as a baseball or shooting coach, fishing, disappearing into the garage/barn to work on who-knows-what.
I should be able to do the same thing.
Yet I want to go with him to all the grandkids games and grade school performances, work to help my brother-in-law with whatever rehab I can, clean the house, feed the birds, cook new recipes from scratch, fetch the dogs, plant a garden, grocery shop, yadda yadda yadda.
I know you didn’t come here today just to listen to me whine. I didn’t know ~I~ was going to do this much whining.
So I ask you — do you have any tips for slowing down?
Do I just say “no”? Do I put my daily life on a schedule? Do I learn how to prioritize?
Maybe it’s just that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind, and I want to take advantage of every spare minute I can. I’d rather spend time with friends and family than do laundry, or sit and listen to smooth jazz while I craft rather than vacuum and dust.
Be prepared for retirement. You’ll have to put on your running shoes to keep up!
Humoring the Goddess 
Happiness needs to always take priority! The rest can take a number!
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Ooohhhh yes! There’s no room for anything else!
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I know what you mean, I’m not retired, but I haven’t had a job for over a year, I’m way busier now just taking care of everything else!
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Is it that life has gotten busier or that we are finally putting ourselves first in line for gratification? I waited long enough.. heh…
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Yep, I agree with Gigi’s wonderful comments … OR …
“Redesign the Clock”
OR, slow down time
to my snail pace
OR, give us retirees
two extra hours a day
OR, get off WP
to write my manuscript
OR, load me up with more adrenaline
to handle life’s new designs
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My friend — I will take ANY of those suggestions!
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🌝🌏📃📘😊😎
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I loooove doing NOTHING now!!!
The 2 places where that’s problematic are housekeeping (I ignore it) and getting my soc security. On the SSAdmin website, my income history is completely wrong (3 high income years show $0 and there are many other errors), I can’t get through the application:
1. I’m disabled – if I select that, I get forms that I can’t answer
2. I don’t want to say I’m not disabled, so I only see the retirement forms, because I might still want to apply for disability
3. Most of the time, calling = a”too busy, try another time” message. If the hold queue is open, the recording says “hold time is greater than 120 minutes” and I’ve read that nearly 4 hours on hold is most common. I don’t have the willpower.
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There is a complicated side to retirement that’s hard sometimes to navigate, isn’t there? As I get older I find I’m more confused about the technicalities of life. Money especially. Perhaps you should make notes about what you want to accomplish first, answers to what they have asked you previously, what you want to accomplish, then pull out a sketch pad or mandala coloring book and do that on the side while you’re on hold! I’m not being facetious — I really think you and I can multi task when necessary! Put your phone on speaker, pull out a craft, and make something out of those empty hours. As far as housekeeping — I always leave that till the end as well. I’d rather be doing something in the sunshine… Don’t give up!
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As of now, I’m leaning toward hiring some guy who advertises on tv. I suspect I’ll change my mind when I find out what it costs!
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I hope the help helps! By the by — does your town have a Facebook account like a forum? My town has one and there are always questions or asking for suggestions for local help. Might be worth a check out!
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Dunno… I opted out of sicial media a year+ ago. I found a page of resources a couple months ago but it was all church volunteers for home help, and oddly difficult to connect witb them.
I’m smart and software savvy (medical software tester for most of my life) so the problem isn’t knowledge, it’s the messed up data/forms and my unwillingness to listen to hold queue recordings for 4 hours.
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I do understand — I don’t have unlimited patience either. With myself and with others. Give yourself a chance. Put some relaxing music on (I enjoy smooth jazz on You Tube) and tackle these forms one headache at a time….
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It’s really easy. You just do what YOU want to do and say no to everything else. Otherwise you’re living everyone else’s life instead of your own. If it’s not something you want to really do, don’t do it. Either you want to enjoy your life, or fill it up with things you’d rather not do. If you fill your life with things you don’t want to do you will never do the things you want and that is a heavy weight to carry around. It’s possible you won’t enjoy anything because you’ll always be torn by what you think you should do and what you want to do. Women are raised to do things for everyone else but themselves. You can break out of that terrible cycle and truly enjoy your life, but you have to cut out the things that don’t feed your creative soul. It’s a choice really. I did it. It’s wonderful. There will always be times you have to do things, but if it’s not important or necessary, do your own thing. We don’t live forever and doing things later may not work since later may never show up.
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You have hit it on the nose. We can’t do everything. We never could. Now that our days have opened up, so have our minds. And I would rather spend my time making fun than work!
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Women are expected to be on call and give up their lives to everyone around them. You don’t have to do that. People are just used to you being there for them and doing things for them. But your art is who YOU are and if you don’t take care of the things that are important to you, no one else will. You are not being a bad person for living your own life…finally. No guilt, not I’m sorry…just do it for you while you can and respect the art that lives inside you. Don’t give yourself away.
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You don’t know how right you are. It’s funny — I’m often telling my friends the same thing. I do leave technical and basic activities to the side while I do things that make ME feel good. I just had a big talk this morning with my significant other about this and told him we need to prioritize our time, money, and self gratification activities. Neither one of us can do everything all the time — the frustration and angst isn’t worth it. Maybe saying “I love you dearly but no” should be easier to say than giving up activities that give us personal pleasure. Sorry if my answer sounds confusing — but you help me clarify my own confusion!
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Women aren’t supposed to, or expected to, ever say no. When before my grandkids were born I told my kids I didn’t want to babysit. I said I wanted to tell them up front, so they didn’t think I wouldn’t love their kids, but I had things I wanted to do and I was exhausted from raising them. My daughter told her daughter the same thing. Everyone was okay with it. Don’t be afraid to live your life, now that you can. You owe it to yourself. You can literally make yourself sick by constantly not allowing yourself to be who you are. And, by the way, my grandchildren are adults and we are SO close. When my granddaughter was little we wrote three books together. It’s not that I didn’t spend quality time with the kids, I did, I just did it on MY time and I didn’t babysit. Women HAVE to start taking care of themselves. We have wants and needs too, and once you let people know that you’re busy, they will respect your time. So many women just keep giving until their life is over and they never have anything left for themselves. I knew I never wanted to be like that, so I never was. I think women make it harder than it is. People don’t even realize women WANT time for themselves, because they never say anything, or TAKE time for themselves. Once a women speaks up, people are like, “Okay.” It can be that easy. NO, isn’t harmful word, it’s just a word a lot of women have never said. Doing things for oneself doesn’t mean you don’t love everyone, it means your creativity is is important to you and needs attention. My grandson brags about me because of all the things I’ve done by myself. The kids think it’s great. They’re right. It is. My husband knew how I was, since we were together since we were 14. He just left me alone when I said…I have to do this, or that. We need to take time to do our thing, that’s a healthy way to live. Women have to create, but our culture hates that and tries to make us live for everyone else, therefore, stopping us from being all we can be. Picasso, I don’t like him by anyway, always had women taking care of him so he could paint. No one take care of women so they can create. Women have little time to do anything and in the past, if they stayed single to create, their family had them put in insane asylums. WE are powerful. Lots of words, but so many women are in your position. Guilt if you miss a game for a child, guilt for this, or that. Nope. Doesn’t have to be that way. Guilt should be for not honoring yourself and your gifts. ❤️
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I feel like we are both sitting in front of a fire sipping something delicious and talking the night away. You have said everything I have been feeling … we always give up our desires, thinking we can pick them up later. Later becomes now and we still haven’t fulfilled anything personal. Maybe that’s the best part of retirement — having the time to do what we want, mostly whenever we want — we just have to WANT. First. For ourselves. Blogging is one form. I’m glad I found you on yours.
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Of course I have tips, but choices that I made may not work for, or be available for you. Saying no, establishing a schedule, and prioritizing may help. What you really need is an assistant, or a housekeeper.
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You’ve got it! You would think the two of us wouldn’t need as much cleaning as a houseful of kids, but I’d rather craft or visit than mop floors! I’m my own worst influence…
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I’m in the same boat. I really wanted to relax in my retirement. I’m also dealing with elder care for my mother-in-law. Not sure what the solution is.
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We are taking care of my brother in law the same way. Do you not find time for writing or is it another art ? How can we explore new avenues of creativity when we can’t get time to finish old ones?
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I make sure I get some writing time in, but sometimes it’s late in the evening, and I’m a bit tired and not as inspired. I insist on reading at least an hour a day; if I don’t, I get grumpy. It all gets done but I just thought I would have more down time by this stage of my life. xo
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So did I, my friend …. maybe it’s as simple as rearranging our life … hahahaha … (I wish..)
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Oh friend, everything you say is so true and I have yet to find a time to do my art. That was the retirement plan. HA! A friend and I commiserate about this all the time. I dreamed of all this open space to relax and follow my dreams. If you find a solution PLEASE tell us what it is. My husband is retired and enjoying it. I ask now and then when I get to retire too.
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You and I are soul sisters! If I figure anything out I’ll let you know! My only suggestion to you and me is to just set aside at least one hour a day NO MATTER WHAT and get down to it! An hour or two is better than nothing .. housecleaning can wait!!!
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