I’ve come to crossroads in my life. A strange, positive, yet confusing, conundrum.
I believe I told you I suffer from “be careful what you wish for” syndrome. All my life I’ve been a writer, but never for money. Never for a living. It’s always been mountains of stories, poetry, and rhymes, along with lists, ideas, and doodles.
But lately at work I’ve been doing a lot of writing. And, if things work out, I’ll be doing a lot more. I am enjoying the pace, the pressure, and the chance to see if I have what it takes to be a full-time writer.
One thing I notice, though, is that by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is be creative. I’m pretty well cashed for the night.
And that upsets me.
I have always had a laundry list of things I want to write, to edit, to play with. There is no cork on imagination. But spending 9 hours a day in front of a computer, most of the time bringing life to everyday words, makes for one mentally drained oldie-but-goodie boho chick. By the time I have dinner, do the dishes, and sit down in front of my own laptop, I find myself suffering from brain freeze. It’s like my thoughts are somewhere behind this lovely burled oak door with a leaded glass window that reveals gorgeous vistas, but the door is stuck closed.
This will not do.
I am a writer. A make-up-story kinda gal. I love to write about spirits and middle aged women and time travel and elves and occasional sex. The more creative the better.
But I also have dreamed about writing for a living. Something that, for me, comes easily. Having had grammar and structure and style as my bedfellows for like ever, the prospect of writing full-time is a chance I want to take. Even if I don’t make it, I have to take that chance.
For a long time my husband has been telling me to cut back on computer time. I spend all day in front of that dull light, squinting and studying and reading two computer screens. Then I come home and squint and study and read one laptop screen. I suffer from headaches, and all this extra squint time doesn’t help. So cutting back on the night time does makes sense.
But I still don’t like it.
How do you balance the two worlds? Especially if both of your worlds are places you enjoy being?
It’s not all disastrous — it’s actually a pleasant conundrum. This conflict is forcing me to schedule my time better — writing time is scheduled just like doing the laundry or paying bills.
But I tell you now — it won’t be as much fun.
7 thoughts on “Balancing the Best of Both Worlds”
Thats why I can never let go!
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I so agree with your summation of the situation. Maybe going back to pen and paper isn’t such a bad idea. Portable, too!
Your writing is fun for us!
Your now daily concerted effort to bring some creative energy to commercial digital click and clack, is bound to make one weary and leery to kick back and summon forth that creative muse …using the same tool set, whose ass you whip and vice versa, during remunerative hours.
Perhaps an initial change of your evening composing implements might better incite your expressive; pen, pencil, micro-audio recorder, 20 year old scotch, even video yourself outlining and plotting your next novella.
I live with a young lady who writes for a living. She parses legal and government reports daily and has done so for years. She’s good at what she does, but the concentration required to parse important material and then write in a highly structured and disciplined manner, day in and day out, can take a “creative” toll.
You’ll work it out. Good luck to you.
Ha! Thats the problem! There’s never a real balance! Just when you think you’ve got it figured out…
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There’s balance?? 😂 It will even out!