A beautiful Saturday here in the Midwest.

I’ve been going through my One Drive folder which is 3/4 old Gallery pictures and 1/4 family pictures I thought were lost forever.

I’m transferring those pictures to a desktop folder before deleting the packed file, and I’m finding it’s not easy. Pictures of my grandkids as toddlers, images of my son I lost four years ago, babies and grandparents, all are haunting me as I save them. I actually had to stop and go sit outside on the deck and play Mahjong on my phone in the beautiful sunshine to recenter.

For some strange reason I don’t like dealing with the past. Photos, old friends, memories of brothers I haven’t seen in 30 years, all take me places I don’t willingly want to go.

I never forget my son, I dream of my parents and the house I grew up in, and see and talk with my grandkids as often as I can. So it’s not that I’m NOT dealing with my life.

But sometimes just stepping back in time is more than I want to feel. Been there, done that, felt that, as they say. And because I get so overwhelmed at times with my own feelings, I try to choose when and where I experience them.

So today I will mix saving old photos with watching the Chinese Movie Red Cliffs (subtitled, of course), preserving all the memories I thought I’d lost. Nothing like the end of the Han Dynasty to take my mind off my own emotional chaos, you know?

I think I’ll need a glass of wine or four tonight. That — and some old fashioned comedy show.

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