In my next life I’m going to very smart…high IQ and all, tall, thin, pretty, funny, bright, popular yet grounded, excelling in Math, Science and Witchcraft. I will cook like Bobby Flay, dance like Ginger Rogers, and chat like Ellen DeGeneres. I will work out, travel around the world, and be a best selling writer.

Oh — and I will make pigs fly.

I think it would be fun to see how the other life lives. Not that my life is bad — no way, But I think it would be a little easier if I were all of the above, instead of short, pudgy, flat hair, boring job, achy body, the only one to think I’m funny, and a non-published author who is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I cook like the Swedish Chef, dance like a bowl of jelly, and I suffer from Italktoomuchitis.     

I’d give anything to flow gracefully into a room, know the answers to all the Jeopardy questions, or whip up Coquilles Saint-Jacques on whim. I’d do anything to be taller so I can reach the things on the second shelf of my kitchen cabinets. And as for coming back being smarter — well, I’ve never been top in my class, let’s put it that way. And the older I get, the more I forget. Sometimes it’s something important like filling the car with gas or calling the insurance people, but more likely it’s where I put my phone, did I turn on the porch light, or did I put salt or sugar in the cookies.

The memory thing bugs me the most. Although I’m still young and can remember how to get to work or grocery shopping, finding my car afterwards can be challenging. Think of how much better grocery shopping would be if I were tall and thin and beautiful while picking Cheerios off the top shelf?

I think it’s my cold that’s making me stressed. I mean, how many times can one blow their nose before it turns red and falls off? I’m clogged and stuffed, sitting on the sofa, wanting to be anywhere but.

Of course you all know that I wouldn’t really trade where I am and who I am. If I would have been tall and lanky with hair that flows sensually down my shoulders I wouldn’t have met my husband and had two great kids and a great daughter in law and grandkids.

I guess I will just have to live that kind of life in my stories. And I admit I do. What knockout women I have! They are strong, independent, not bad looking, and sharp as a tack. They hold their own against kings and matriarchs, and are sexy in their own way. What more could a girl want?

But still — come on — don’t you once in a teeny weeny while wish your person was a little smarter, more agile, or thinner?

And wouldn’t you like to see pigs fly?