How Are You?

How often do you ask this of others?

How often do you ask this and mean it?

“How are you?” is one of those phrases we throw out constantly, often with emptiness behind it. Kind of like a courtesy call. “How are you?” is about as cliché as “What’s New?” but not as specific as “Did you -___?” or “How was ___?”

I’m not picking on us. It’s a courtesy in and of itself just to speak to someone else. These days it’s easier to walk eyes down or stare at your phone and ignore a possible interaction than to actually engage in conversation.

“How ya doin’?” is often an ice breaker. Depending on the response (not only the actual words but someone’s body language) you can instantly judge if you want to continue the conversation or move on.

“How are you?” gives you room to instantly judge a situation and your reaction to it. Which is not always an accurate response.

People who are in pain or who have just lost a loved one often say “I’m doing fine.” They protect their hearts and minds with those three words, keeping the world at bay while they deal with whatever.

“I’m doing fine” also is a knee jerk response to the constant repetition of the question they hear all day long. After all, how many times do you need to explain your feelings about frustration or depression or, the other side of the coin, bliss and contentment?

Emotions are a strange reaction to the world around you. Heaven forbid you are too happy or too sad. Middle-of-the-road Q&As make life easier. How are you. Fine. Move on. How are you. Fine. Move on.

I’m not saying every conversation needs to be a confessional or a gut-wrenching response. Sometimes you are just fine. Sometimes you are just being polite.

But I don’t want to turn into a robot who asks the same questions a dozen times a day and get the same dozen answers. Sometimes I want the other person to know that I really am interested in their well being and their psyche. I don’t need an in depth conversation of what’s bothering them unless it’s obvious that they need one at the moment.

Reading people is nearly impossible. We all have such heavy armor around us it’s hard for us to experience the world as it’s meant to be experienced.

But know that sometimes when someone asks you “How are you?” they really want to know. They, too, are tippy toeing around sensitive subjects yet want you to know they’re there for you if need be.

So ….

How are you?