Narcissism? Or Human Nature?

~ humoringthegoddess

The other day I posted three more of what I endearingly call “My Masterpieces,” a winter’s art project. I am not a professional artist — I’m actually not a professional “anything.” But I love to play.

One of my friend/followers, Maddie Cochere at Breezy Books  wrote a comment that really rang my bells: I love these! You’ve put so much detail into them. And colorful! Don’t they make you happy every time you look at them – they’re so vibrant! That quilt effect is fantastic! 4 exclamation points from me. 🙂.

I found myself thinking of a short thank you, and found myself writing:

You know, everyone likes praise now and then for feats accomplished. Sometimes it’s tough with those around you.. maybe they’re used to your efforts or don’t quite understand the point of why you do extracurricular things. I have written a number of novels and short stories and no one in my family and friends circle have ever asked to read them. Same with Art. So an outsider saying something nice in a particular way makes me feel amazing. Thank you.

After I hit “send” and moved along to reading other blogs, my answer began to haunt me. In a good haunting way, of course. Yet I thought about how much a little compliment means to me. To others.

And I wondered — do we all consciously or unconsciously seek praise for our accomplishments?

Even if it’s something small like cooking a great dinner or cleaning out a closet or teaching your kids how to chop parsley, we all like to hear an atta’ boy now and then.

I mentioned I’ve written a number of things through the past 30 years. Novels I thought were top notch, short stories that were on the mark, poetry that was clever. Yet not one of my circle has ever asked to read anything. 

Not that they don’t love me — not that they don’t appreciate me. It’s more like they’re not aware of my writings. Or I don’t talk about my Creativity enough. Or I haven’t printed something out and requested them to read it. You can’t say something nice about something you’ve never seen.

Yet I do love a good atta’ boy just as much as the next person.

That’s why I always try to throw out compliments to strangers when I can. Nice outfit, great t-shirt, great blog. The complements are genuine, the moment genuine. And a mere sharing of that appreciation at that nano-second can make someone’s day.

And their reaction can make yours.

This isn’t a blog about fishing for compliments. This is a blog about appreciating all kinds of gestures and moments and choices and sharing that appreciation. Getting and giving. 

I don’t think that’s narcistic at all.

That — is human nature.

 

 

 

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Published by humoringthegoddess

I am a writer of fantasy fiction that often surrounds middle-aged women. I am a married mother of two and granny to three, a BoHo Chic kinda gal. I am recently retired and busier than when I worked 9-5. But writing and blogging is my main game.

12 thoughts on “Narcissism? Or Human Nature?”

  2. I’m so happy I rang your bells! 🙂 You were sweet to bring this up. And yes, I think it’s human nature to want to be validated. Positive comments (and reviews) give us a tremendous boost while negative comments (and reviews) nearly destroy us (for a while anyway).

    Even if it’s something small like cooking a great dinner – When my son and I sit down to dinner, I still wait after he takes that first bite for him to say that he likes what I made. For some reason I need that approval of my cooking skills.

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  3. My daughter and granddaughter always appreciate what I do but no one else in my family has said anything about anything I’ve ever done. My things have been in magazines for years and not one other person has even looked at them, nor have they read anything I’ve written, books or my blog, so you are not alone. It’s always nice to have someone say they like what you’ve done. Not fishing for compliments, or anything else but I believe that what we do, we do for ourselves. Still, it’s always nice if someone else likes it as well.

    I think women have a hard time accepting compliments. Men think they are the greatest thing since cheese, so they expect to be praised for ANYTHING they do, since that’s what our culture gives them. For women, nothing we do matters it’s all crafts, not art. Women, with male names, won amazing prizes and when the judges found out they were women, they took their prizes away.

    So, women have a problem with thinking their work and ART isn’t worth very much because we were taught that WE aren’t worth very much. Those days should be over. We are fabulous and we should compliment each other because what women do is often better than what men do and yes, this is an extremely political issue. We, as women, need to realize that our work is worth compliments and we, and what we do, both are valuable. Women need to support other women and their work.

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    1. You have spoken to the heart of the matter. Women are not given the same attention and consideration as their male counterparts. I know more male artists thana female artists. More male writers than female writers. And that is the result of upbringing and society. And because of that we probably don’t toot our own horn as we should. There are millions of books published a year — we think the odds are so bad we don’t even try to toss our writing into the pot. And yet our creativity, our writing and painting and sculpting is as good if not better than many. We need to learn to be comfortable pushing our creativity outwards. I’m glad I’ve got you as a writing friend!

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  5. We all want our work to be appreciated by others. Every LIKE sends another drop of dopamine to the brain. Sometimes, though, I find I must write about something that I know won’t get many LIKES, because I feel the subject matter is more important than my own gratification.

    Get those novels out of the desk draw and circulate them.

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