Just Talk!

Last December I wrote a blog about what I want to be in my next life (the link if you’re interested…) Well, after last night, I have a brand new wish for my next life.

I want to have better social skills.

Went to a Gaelic Storm concert last night. Great Irish pub music, everybody singing and clapping and having a gay ‘ol time. I decided to hang around afterwards to get the band’s autograph, something I’ve never done before.

So here I am, a 65-year-old granny of three, married for 36 years, worked all my life, a writer, a verbal run-of-the-mouth, standing there to get the autographs I’ve waited 10 years to get.

I hand my stuffed donkey to the first fellow…he signs it…and I just stand there. Saying nothing.

Not “how’s the tour so far?” or “are you gambling later?” (it was in a casino’s theater) or “how’s tricks?”

I just stood there like a mute dummy, moving down the line, getting autographs, not interacting at all.

What is wrong with me?

It’s not like I’m star struck. These guys (and one girl) are your everyday fun people. Like you could have them over for a barbecue or something. I’ve followed this band for over 10 years — their music is like family singing around the campfire.

Yet I stood mute and dumb like I was in front of Queen Elizabeth or something. Me, the talker, the animated chatter, had not one word to say.

I get that way a lot. I don’t consider myself shy or introverted, but sometimes when I get out in public I clam up. Like I’m afraid to say anything because anything I say will sound dumb. Like all of my life experiences and those I interact with all the time are nothing more than drops in the proverbial bucket.

Am I intimidated by people in general? Do I not like it when the attention turns to me?

I hated telling fellow workers I had cancer years ago. I didn’t want all the attention bad news would bring, yet I thought they had the right to know. I don’t know how to take a complement, although I work on looking pretty decent from day to day.

Maybe there are leftover hangups from junior high that I keep locked away. Perhaps I’m not strong enough to believe that I did nothing wrong and they were the jerks. But that was 50 years ago, so it’s way past due to get over it.

I did get the nerve to say something to the lead singer…some mumbo jumbo about being their oldest groupie until tonight..that there were a lot of oldies in the crowd. Patrick laughed and said, “Well..you’re one of the young ones.”

A young one with marbles in my mouth…