In My Next Life

~ humoringthegoddess

In my next life I’m going to very smart…high IQ and all, tall, thin, pretty, funny, bright, popular yet grounded, excelling in Math, Science and Witchcraft. I will cook like Bobby Flay, dance like Ginger Rogers, and chat like Ellen DeGeneres. I will work out, travel around the world, and be a best selling writer.

Oh — and I will make pigs fly.

I think it would be fun to see how the other life lives. Not that my life is bad — no way, But I think it would be a little easier if I were all of the above, instead of short, pudgy, flat hair, boring job, achy body, the only one to think I’m funny, and a non-published author who is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I cook like the Swedish Chef, dance like a bowl of jelly, and I suffer from Italktoomuchitis.     

I’d give anything to flow gracefully into a room, know the answers to all the Jeopardy questions, or whip up Coquilles Saint-Jacques on whim. I’d do anything to be taller so I can reach the things on the second shelf of my kitchen cabinets. And as for coming back being smarter — well, I’ve never been top in my class, let’s put it that way. And the older I get, the more I forget. Sometimes it’s something important like filling the car with gas or calling the insurance people, but more likely it’s where I put my phone, did I turn on the porch light, or did I put salt or sugar in the cookies.

The memory thing bugs me the most. Although I’m still young and can remember how to get to work or grocery shopping, finding my car afterwards can be challenging. Think of how much better grocery shopping would be if I were tall and thin and beautiful while picking Cheerios off the top shelf?

I think it’s my cold that’s making me stressed. I mean, how many times can one blow their nose before it turns red and falls off? I’m clogged and stuffed, sitting on the sofa, wanting to be anywhere but.

Of course you all know that I wouldn’t really trade where I am and who I am. If I would have been tall and lanky with hair that flows sensually down my shoulders I wouldn’t have met my husband and had two great kids and a great daughter in law and grandkids.

I guess I will just have to live that kind of life in my stories. And I admit I do. What knockout women I have! They are strong, independent, not bad looking, and sharp as a tack. They hold their own against kings and matriarchs, and are sexy in their own way. What more could a girl want?

But still — come on — don’t you once in a teeny weeny while wish your person was a little smarter, more agile, or thinner?

And wouldn’t you like to see pigs fly?

 

Published by humoringthegoddess

I am a writer of fantasy fiction that often surrounds middle-aged women. I am a married mother of two and granny to three, a BoHo Chic kinda gal. I am recently retired and busier than when I worked 9-5. But writing and blogging is my main game.

22 thoughts on “In My Next Life”

  10. I will be watching for those flying pigs. Right after I get my invitation to join the Chipendale Dancers.

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  13. Long thick blond hair, deep blue eyes, skinny but elegant, rich(but not famous) being able to eat whatever I want, huge garden, house maid, gardener……ha dream on girl…..I think the world would be a different place if we all had what we wanted to have but you wouldn’t be you and I wouldn’t be me. And would you really want to come back for another life on earth after you died ????Not me !!! I’ll stay in heaven and be an angel (haha). Have a great weekend Claudia !!!!

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  16. She was the first talk show host to come to mind, and witchcraft is just another term for Nature. (I’m pretty simple minded with most interpretations..) And you are right..the grass is always greener..

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  17. You reflect my mind! We are happy with what life has brought us, but it would help being a little taller so I could see what’s on the second shelf of everything!

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  20. Not sure about those pigs flying, bird droppings on my washing is enough for me. And I do wish for your nasty red-nose-Rudolph cold to get betterer soon. !! Hmmm, just like you, I wished I was taller, a lot leaner, more wiser, and that I had hair back like when I was 21. And there’s so many of my life’s situations that I wish hadn’t happened, but alas, that’s life, and I’m still dreaming of the good times to come….

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  21. Pingback: In My Next Life – The Militant Negro™

  22. I share your pain, but minus the talk with Ellen and the witchcraft. Being tall (6-4) isn’t all that great, expecially when it comes to buying clothes that fit and sitting in airplanes. I think part of the human condition is wishing for things we don’t have. . . even for the people who appear to have it all.

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